TO ALL U.S. CITIZENS
In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence.
Effective immediately, Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, Commonwealths, and territories excepting Kansas, which she does…

Old aunts come up to you at weddings, poke you in the ribs,
and say, “You’re next.” (They will stop if you do the same to them at funerals.)
The last wedding I attended, a much-married man came up to me with the following observations:
“A smart man and a smart woman = romance
A…

What follows are the actual answers to a religious test administered to a class of children at a Catholic elementary school concerning the Old and New Testaments, (spelling preserved.)
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE…

July 13, 2006
Now there’s an all-round showbiz icon in my book that one can truly respect. Actor, composer, songwriter, singer, hoofer, and of course his standup routine – there seemed to be nothing he couldn’t do. 5 Broadway plays, appearing with Uta Hagen in 1942, 29 movies, which included Sayonara with Marlon Brando, which…