A big city trial lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He bagged a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field.
As he started to climb over the fence to retrieve it, an old farmer drove up in his tractor, and asked him what he thought he was doing. The attorney responded, “I shot a duck and it came down in this field, and I’m retrieving it.”
“I don’t think so” the farmer replied, “Don’t you know this is my property? I won’t let you come over here.”
The indignant lawyer stayed outside, and said, “Look here, I’m one of the best trial attorneys in this country and I assure you, if you don’t let me get my duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.
The farmer thought about this for a moment and then said, “Don’t you know how we settle disputes in Tennessee? Hereabouts we fix small disagreements like this with our “Three Kick Rule.”
“And what exactly is that?” asked the lawyer, and he replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to first kick you three times and then it’s your turn, you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up and loses.”
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take on the old codger, and at the same time teach him a lesson, so he agreed to abide by the local custom, and stood waiting in the middle of the road.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from his tractor, clambered over
the fence, and walked up to the attorney. He placed his first kick with the steel toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer’s crotch and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s lunch gushing from his mouth, and when he was on all fours, crossed behind, administering the third kick to his rear, which sent the lawyer face-first into a pile of fresh cow manure.
The lawyer climbed slowly to his feet, and summoned every bit of his willpower, self esteem, self control, and professionalism.
“O.K.” he said finally, brushing himself off and wiping his face with his sleeve “My friend, now it’s my turn.”
The old farmer walked back to his fence, and started to climb back over. Then he turned and smiled.
“Naw, I give up, gentleman, sir, you can have it. I’ll throw you the duck.”