Somebody sent me these, originally created by Britain’s wonderful fourth estate. Daily Mail writers?
SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS
[no, really?]
POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS
[isn’t that taking things a bit far?]
PANDA MATING FAILS, VET TAKES OVER
[let’s see now, if you cross a panda with a vet . . .]
MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH
[the good-for-nothin’ lazy so-and-sos!]
JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT
[so what else is new?]
WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE
[I can see where it might have that effect.]
IF STRIKE ISN’T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST AWHILE
[you think?]
COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES
[who would have thought.]
IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS?
[flawed potty training?]
ENFIELD COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE
[they may be on to something.]
RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGES
[you mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?]
MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING FACES BATTERY CHARGE
[he probably IS the battery charge.]
NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP
[weren’t they fat enough?]
ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT
[serves him right for eating those beans!]
KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS
[mmmm, they taste a little bit like chicken.]
CHEF THROWS HIS HEART INTO HELPING FEED NEEDY
[which was really giving of himself!]
LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF
[chainsaw massacre, again.]
HOSPITALS SUED BY SEVEN FOOT DOCTORS
[boy, are they tall!]
TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY, HUNDREDS DEAD
[not much more to say, really . . . .]